How do you make negative business emotions into a valuable experience?

Our response:

The critical element is to separate what is happening in the workplace (behaviors from others) from what is happening inside (your own thoughts / feelings). These are not the same thing, and to be successful, we must untangle and separate these two factors.

For example: Today, at A&R Consulting, someone left one of us out of a conversation I thought they should have been part of. I felt myself get angry and experienced hurt feelings. These emotions with in myself surfaced by the experience of a member of my team being left out of an important conversation.

If I let myself stay in the negativity, how might I respond? I might retaliate, get huffy, "elbow them sideways" with a critical remark, or find a way to get even. That kind of "tit-for-tat" mentality is not so helpful and will lower productivity.

So what I want to do is use that emotion to learn what is really going on inside of me. Underneath upset emotions is self-judgment. So I want to surface how I am judging myself as not worthy of being included, not important enough, not valuable enough and use it as an opportunity for growth and upliftment with my relationship with myself.

Then once I’ve handled that piece of it I can have a conversation with others about being included in the future, but I won’t have the edge in my words, that is driven by my issue (which their actions simply trigger). Our conversation will just be about how we’re going to work. By separating the emotion (inside of me) from the behavior in the workplace (outside of me), and addressing them separately, I create learning on two levels and short circuit the trap of unproductive behaviors.